I Am Set Free

The first four weeks of Africa have been the biggest blessing of my life. The Lord is truly breaking me and filling me completely with Him. I am slowly realizing that He in fact does NOT have plans for my life, but He does have plans for His life in me. That has been a constant reminder of mine. There is no better what for the Lord to put this on my heart than through the love of the children here. 

A couple weeks ago I was standing in the GSF church when a young man walked up to me and asked me if he could talk to me for a minute. I said sure and we walked outside to the back patio. He introduced himself as Rodney. I have never met this guy in my life. What came out of his mouth next completely broke my heart, for the better. He began by saying, "I walked past you in the church and felt as if God was telling me to tell you this." He then began to tell me something that wasn't easy to hear, but surely woke me up. Rodney told me that he felt as if I had gone through a rough past and that I was still holding on to a lot of it. If you don't know me, I did go through some hard times where I was not walking with the Lord like I should have been. I strayed away from Him for a long time. You could say, I was living a double life. I wanted to walk with the Lord but I also wanted to walk with some other people who didn't walk with Him. So when Rodney told me this, I knew the Lord was using him to get through to me. Rodney continued saying that God was telling him to tell me that this is the time where I need to completely give it all up to Him, let God break me and let Him consume my heart. Rodney said that this was the time, here in Africa, that God was going to completely change my life. He told me that I needed to let everything go, accept His grace and forgiveness, and stop holding on to my grudges/my old life. I told Rodney he was right, completely right. He then began to tell me how the Lord was telling him that I need to let go and really worship when I worship. Rodney said that he felt as if I loved to sing and I loved to worship in church, in the car and whenever I listen to music. That just topped it all off. If you don't know...I love to sing. I may not be great, but when I worship through song, I feel the closest to God. I love singing in church, in my car, or right now sitting on the veranda looking out in to the jungle. I LOVE worship music. Rodney told me that when I worship, I need to sing out. I need to let the Lord completely consume me. He told me to use singing as my way to worship and connect with the Lord. I was really caught off guard. I had tears in my eyes, I was scared, I had no idea how to react. Rodney had to leave shortly after and I was just overwhelmed with emotions for some time. For a couple of weeks. This is why I am just now writing this. 

I have truly felt the Lord taking over my heart and my life. Little by little, He is removing myself and revealing more of Him. I really see this is the smiles of the children here. I see it in the beautiful creation that surrounds me. In the sunrise, in the vivid green forest, in the mud-hut villages. Every single moment, God makes it visible that He is truly sovereign over all and that I have to let my life go. I have to let it go and give it all to Him. Take my life, take all that I am. That has been my prayer every day. No matter if I have a rough day, He still shows me His great glory. There has been two song I have listened to literally every day and the words couldn't be more true to my situation. The first is "Healing Begins" and the second is "Times." Both are by Tenth Avenue North. 

"So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us"

"I hear You say
My love is over
It's underneath
It's inside
It's in between 

The times that you doubt me
When you can't feel
The times that you question
Is this for real 

The times you're broken
The times that you mend
The times you hate me
And the times that you bend 

Well my love is over
It's underneath
It's inside
It's in between 

The times that you're healing
And when your heart breaks
The times that you feel like you've fallen from grace 

The times you're hurting
The times that you heal
The times you go hungry and are tempted to steal 

In times of confusion
In chaos and pain
I'm there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame 

I'm there through your heart-ache
I'm there in the storm
My love I will keep you by my power alone 

I don't care where you've fallen or where you have been
I'll never forsake you
My love never ends
It never ends"

Both of these songs have really spoken to me. No matter what my past is, no matter where I have been...He will always love me. Always. He will never leave me. I have to completely give it up to Him and let Him consume my life. My God will never fail. He will never let you or me go. I have to let my walls down and I have to let His grace in. So praise Him always, even through the hard times. The Lord will guide every step of every day. He won't leave our side even when we stray away. That is the best promise anyone has ever promised me. 

Once you give your life up to Him, He will set you free. I am set free.